


All These Countless Nights.

by ExtremeEvil95



Category: Mass Effect, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Angst, Post-Archon Mission, Reyes Comes to the Rescue, Ryder is a Mess™, mentions of character deaths
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-15 06:36:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10551726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExtremeEvil95/pseuds/ExtremeEvil95
Summary: "'Cause all the countless nights I spent cowering in bed'Cause I can't fight the voice that rings inside my head."Quintin Ryder has trouble sleeping after what happened on board of the Archon's ship. With the weight of the world on his shoulders, he reaches out to Reyes to help him find some ground beneath his feet again.Contains spoilers!!! Up to "Hunting the Archon" along with what happens on Kadara, pretty much.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first addition to the Mass Effect fandom when it comes to writing?? I've been a fan of the series since the first game came out in 2007 (ten years like wow chill) and when I finished the "Hunting the Archon" quest today I just felt like I had to write /something/ to make up for the lack of emotional reaction I got out of my Ryder.
> 
> And who can say no to Reyes? No one, so yeah, I'll let this speak for itself.
> 
> It's not beta'd, English is not my first language and it's late and I'm tired so I'll get back to clean it up once I've slept pretty much!!
> 
> Title and lyrics came from the song Happiness by Deaf Havana.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy it. xx
> 
> EDIT: I've looked through it now after mistakes etc and also fixed some parts with minor changes, so hopefully everything's as it should be now! Thanks a lot for reading, can't believe that it's gained so many views in just a little more than a day!! So happy about it!!! xx
> 
> Also, if you want to come and scream about ME:A with me, [here's the link to my tumblr.](http://distant-solar-systems.tumblr.com/)

Dying wasn’t something Quintin planned on doing any time soon when he first got to Andromeda. He knew the risks that came with his position as a member of the Pathfinder’s team, sure, but he never expected that things would turn into this mess just as drastically as they had done when the Ark reached the system.

Remembering his father’s face those agonising moments before Quintin blacked out back on Habitat 7; how Alec urged Quintin on, to take deep breaths and keep on _living_ while he suffocated slowly right there in front of his son. That was worse than thinking about Quintin's own death, because it was still such an abstract and surreal thing to him that he had died there on that damn planet as well with his father. For a few seconds -  _minutes -_  he’d been declared dead.

Quintin tried not to think about his father’s death or anything that happened back on Habitat 7. Some days, he was almost certain that neither of the horrible things had occurred at all. As he woke up tangled in the sheets in his bed back at the Tempest, the ship which had grown to be his  _home,_ Quintin could still feel like Alec would storm in through the door in that determined way of his and prompt his son to get ready for another mission. It didn’t hurt as much now when the reality of it all washed over him, Alec and him had never been that close in the first place. Still, just thinking about how his dad was _gone:_ that could be too much for anyone to handle. Yet alone someone whom had died once as well, with a sister still being in a coma and now with the weight of the entire galaxy on his shoulders.

Quintin couldn’t let it break him; couldn’t let any of the bad things affect him enough to show.

 

The second time he died, Quintin had been aware the entire time beforehand. He hadn’t experienced his surroundings through blurred vision while struggling to get air into his lungs, no, this time had been awfully different. 

As soon as he closed his eyes, it came back to him. Peebee’s quiet, yet frantic breathing and how Jaal’s silence had spoken more than words ever could. How he went through every possible outcome in his head for those few, horrible seconds before coming to the conclusion that there wasn’t going to be another way out of it; all while he felt how the _thing_ the Archon had injected him with moved around inside of him. If there had ever been a moment in Quintin’s life where he’d felt true and utter fear, it was in that particular moment. 

Quintin remembered how raw his throat had been and how every word had felt glued against his tongue before coming out when he told SAM to do it. To stop his heart and then make him come back to life again. Not knowing the outcome of it was the scariest part of it all, because he hadn’t come all this way just to die - _again -_ in such a shameful way, but the most painful thing of it all was the aspect of knowing that he hadn’t said goodbye to anyone of those whom mattered. Having Peebee and Jaal there with him were as much comfort as anything, they were his friends and he would gladly go out by their side any time of the day.

   But, they weren’t Sarah. 

Or Reyes.

 

*~*

 

Quintin woke up with the ghost of a scream still clinging to his lips. The sheets were stuck to his skin thanks to the cold sweat, he felt trapped as he shakily pushed them off and got up from the bed in a hurry. Weren’t the walls closing in on him? It _felt_ like they were - or was he just too caught up in the previous dream to focus on the now?

Two days had passed since the crew’s visit to the Archon’s ship. Two days full of flinching at every unknown sound and shadow, all while trying his best to hold up a strong facade for the others. It was tiring to say the least, but Quintin couldn’t get himself to sleep for more than an hour or so before one of his nightmares woke him up again.

He kept dreaming of those few seconds before SAM stopped his heart. How he’d been a living, ragged mess until everything got swept up by the darkness. The stillness of it all scared the living shit out of him, to be fair. 

The uneasiness of the dream made him feel restless. Back in the Milky Way, Quintin had never been the one to be able to sit still for a more than a minute at a time, thanks to these new nightmares of his it had only grown worse. 

”Are you alright, Quintin?” SAM asked. The AI probably knew the answer to it’s question already, but SAM’s concern for Quintin’s well being was something he appreciated, even if he was bad at telling the AI about it.

”Been better,” Quintin sighed. It was better than lying to SAM at least, since it technically was true. Most of the time, he felt a lot better than this.

He missed Sarah. She knew him better than anyone, hell sometimes Quintin was sure she knew him better than he did himself. All of their long nights talking about life or sparring together to ease off some stress back before Andromeda came into the picture; he longed to just hear her laugh again, to see that sparkle in her eyes whenever she joked on Quintin’s behalf and how she would know just the right thing to say at any given moment. He surely didn’t tell her enough how much she truly meant to him.

   Then again, did he ever tell anyone how much they mattered to him? 

 

”Ryder, SAM told me you were up.” 

   There was a short pause before Kallo’s voice came back onto the comms again, low and gentle. ”We reached Kadara half an hour ago, currently in orbit. Should we go in for a landing or keep the _Tempest_ where she is?”

Quintin threw a quick glance over at the windows, finding proof to Kallo’s words in the form of the planet taking up most of the view. Sometimes he truly thought he’d be lost without his crew. Hell, he  _would_ be lost without them.

”Keep her here for a moment,” Quintin answered, his voice hoarse from sleep, all with a fine edge of something much rawer attached to every word. ”I need to make a call.”

 

 

It only took a few seconds for Reyes to pick up.

Quintin stood by the window, hands tightly clinging to the railing as he watched Kadara. He could feel Reyes’ presence through the com before he heard him; goosebumps appeared on his skin and the stone making it’s way through his throat only grew bigger and wider. 

”You’re up late, Pathfinder, something on your mind?”

Normally, that voice and tone would send shivers down Quintin’s spine. He would think back to the cave and what had happened there with a blissful smile on his face, but tonight it brought him a different kind of closure.

”You know me, too busy saving the world to get a good night’s sleep,” Quintin said, trying his best to sound light-hearted and joking as he always did. It came out a lot more quiet and sensible than what he intended it to, cursing at himself under his breath. He didn’t want Reyes to worry about him; not while Reyes had a whole planet to keep under check. There was surely more pressing issues to take care of than Quintin’s emotional baggage if you were in Reyes Vidal’s shoes.

Reyes’ remained quiet for a few seconds. His breathing could still be heard, for some odd reason did it mend a tiny, tiny bit of the sea of feelings and nerves that Quintin was feeling. Some sense of stability to a rather unstable mind. ”I may be your ordinary smuggler-turned-king, but even I can hear that something’s wrong. Q, talk to me. _Please_.”

The ”please” sounded more like a plea than anything else. It was sincere in a way few things usually were with Reyes: Quintin knew about the man’s more emotional side, their talk about betrayal back in the cave after Sloane and the big reveal was still fresh in his memory, but it still surprised him when Reyes dropped the smugness and showed him what was hiding beneath it all.

Quintin bit his lip and closed his eyes. His family were the only ones that called him ”Q,” so to hear it coming from Reyes made his heart tighten up even more in his chest. ”I can’t sleep, Reyes, it’s tearing me up and with all that’s happened back at the Archon’s ship, I just- ”

”Wait, wait, _what_?” Reyes cut off, bewilderment infecting his voice. ”The Archon’s ship? _The_ Archon whom wants you dead? Have you - have you  _been to his ship?!”_

Quintin swallowed. He hadn’t briefed Reyes about what had happened. There was nothing he could use to his defence other than that he would’ve wanted to talk about with Reyes in person. It just slipped out of him, he was not thinking straight from the lack of sleep and every single emotion he had being like nerves out on his skin. Jaal’s sense of showing every emotion had certainly rubbed off on him.

He was quite thankful that Reyes couldn’t see in what state Quintin truly was in. The bruises on his side from were the Behemoth had rammed him into a wall, how every sudden move made him hiss in slight pain. Reyes would certainly kill him for even putting himself in this situation.

”Yeah, sorry, meant to talk to you about.. that,” Ryder said, his voice barely louder than a whisper. ”The team’s alright, there were casualties but we got what we came for and honestly I’m _fine.”_

”To hell you’re fine, Q,” Reyes stated. Worry didn’t suit him, Quintin didn’t want the other man to worry about him like this. Honestly, despite the emotional trauma and his bruised body, he probably could be considered to be _fine._ ”I can’t believe that you didn’t tell me about this sooner, when did this happen? _What happened?”_

Quintin felt like he was 600 years old in that moment. His mentality finally catching up with his body. ”I didn’t want you to worry about me since the team’s okay, we found the Salarian ark and found out where to find the Meridian, that’s a success in my books. A lot of the Salarians didn't make it and I’ll never be able to sleep again thanks to the things I saw going on there, I don’t need you worrying about me on top of all that.”

He could practically see Reyes’ face in front of him. The deep frown and those eyes that could make a puppy cry, Quintin truly thanked whomever out there that he didn’t have to be face to face with the man right then. 

”How can I _not_ worry about you when you’re off infiltrating _The Archon’s_ ship as your typical weekend entertainment and not even giving me a heads up about it? I don’t want you to end up dead and then hear about it from the news or one of those special friends of yours, Q. You know who I am, don’t shut me out.”

Every ounce of energy that Quintin had left disappeared at those few words. He slid down onto to the floor and couldn’t muster enough strength to get up again. ”I died, Reyes… Back at the ship, I.. my heart stopped, for a few seconds I was dead. All I could think of, those few seconds beforehand, was how I didn’t get to say goodbye to Sarah or _you._ I died and I can’t sleep because I keep coming back to that moment every time I close my eyes, remembering how it felt like. I just, I.. I don’t know what to do.” Warm, heavy tears slid down his cheeks, Quintin wouldn't be able to stop it even if he wanted to. He left out the part about SAM's involvement in the whole affair. Reyes didn't need to worry about the AI too, on top of everything else that happened.

Reyes didn’t say anything for a very long time. Quintin’s soft sniffles and the sound of their breathing were the only things audible in the room. Quintin was sure that Reyes would hang up on him but instead he got a shaky exhale followed by a plea dressed in his own name.

_”Quintin,”_ Reyes whispered. ”Where are you?”

”The Tempest’s just outside of Kadara’s atmosphere, I needed to speak to you first before..,” Quintin didn’t know how to finish that sentence. Before what? He wanted to speak to Reyes first to gain some security before he saw him again in person, to reassure that everything was fine between them? Quintin didn’t feel like he could process anything in what was happening to him.

He just wanted to sleep.

”I’ll be there in five.”

 

*~*

 

”It looks like you’re waiting for someone.”

Quintin opened his eyes just enough to catch the slim outline of a man standing in his doorway. The words brought the tiniest smile to his lips. Weird how such a simple sentence could mean so much to him. ”You’re late.”

It was similar to a conversation they’d have in the past, bringing back memories from a time where everything had felt electric and exciting. Neither of them could’ve known that they would end up here.

Reyes made his way into the room slowly. The usual confidence in his steps was replaced by caution and worry all mixed in one: like he wasn’t sure of how Quintin would react if he got to close. ”This was not how I pictured my first visit to the Tempest to be like.” He sounded sad, unbelievably sad for someone that never should feel that way ever.

Quintin gave up a short, devastating laugh. He had managed to pull himself up and moved to the bed while Reyes where on his way over. His knees were pulled up sitting with his knees pulled up against his chest with his arms draped across, his head resting on top of his crossed arms. ”I’m sorry that I’m not a better host.”

   Reyes came to stand by the bed in a matter of seconds. He hunched down in front of Quintin, placing his hands on Quintin's head and holding him in place. 

It was possible to drown in the sadness of those beautiful eyes. 

”You died,” Reyes stated. ”You died, you could’ve remained dead, Q, _fuck.”_

His fingers were warm and trembling against Quintin’s cheeks. Reyes’ thumb traced the faint outlines of the scar around Quintin’s eye, along with the new bruises from the last battle. Every touch so gentle that it broke Quintin with longing. He wanted to feel safe; Reyes could give him that.

”SAM brought me back,” Quintin whispered. ”I died but came back again.”

Reyes pulled him in against his chest. The embrace was gentle but tight at the same time. A sense of safety and belonging filled Quintin’s body, made his heart swell a few sizes. He clung to Reyes like his life depended on it, holding onto Reyes’ jacket and burying his face against Reyes' shoulder. He could die like this, it felt like a good way to go.

 

Neither of them said anything for a long time after that.

They just sat there, holding onto one another while the night slowly turned into day. Reyes helped Quintin get back beneath the covers and slid in beside him, letting Quintin use his ribcage as a pillow.

There was a faint smell of whiskey attached to Reyes’ clothes.

Quintin thought about the familiar smell instead of the trembling fear of there being complications with his heart after SAM’s revival, instead of exaltation and all the other horrible things the Archon and the kett were capable of.

He thought about the warmth of Reyes’ body against his cheek, the smell of whiskey and of a better night spent on a rooftop in Kadara Port, when he finally fell back asleep again.


End file.
